Updated: Nov 15
Let's say that your parents always tried to motivate you to be better, to do better by finding fault with you and your actions. Sadly we hear negative feedback more often than positive affirmations so it is no wonder our subconscious mind protects us by repressing these emotions, putting them somewhere safe so that we don't have to deal with them every minute of the day. Eventually, however they must be dealt with.
Then as an adult, you have a relationship with someone who gives you positive feedback all the time , who treats you the way you want to be treated. This is great for a while but because we always like to re create the environment of our childhood our subconscious mind will start to be annoyed with your partner so that now you are in conflict - you start to feel both joy in that you like what they are doing and fear because you feel you don't deserve it ( being praised doesn't match your childhood environment). So because your subconscious mind always wins you start to push your partner away.
Subconscious fears stem from your original family
Your family may have genuinely loved you but felt that if they pointed out your faults then you would be motivated to change them.
Unfortunately this erodes your self esteem and self confidence.
This means that when you accept loving behaviour from your partner you feel as if you don't deserve it and somehow it is dangerous to you. On a subconscious level it is dangerous because it contradicts your belief that your parents think you are unworthy of love (because they always criticised you). It is dangerous because it triggers a subconscious repressed fear of being abandoned and below this fear of abandonment is the fear of death.
As you let go of this belief that you are unworthy of love, you will let go of the fear of abandonment and the repressed fear of death and so will enter into a new phase of a loving relationship with your partner.
If you would like my help in finding these negative beliefs, thoughts and emotions click here