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Inner Child Sabotages Marriage

It is a beautiful day here in Melbourne and my friend Sarah has just dropped in to go for a walk ...and to vent on her failed marriage. We thought we would just share a friendly walk and chat ...both of us were very surprised by what she revealed as we walked along.

Sarah said that she felt like crying and was feeling lonely today. I knew she had come to terms with her marriage being over and that she normally felt good (we speak most days and nothing like this had come up before.) So I asked her to listen to the internal chatter of her Inner Child and tell me what she heard.

It seems that her Inner Child, her 3 year old was apologising to her for making her so sad. Her 3 year old (let's call her Little Sarah) said that she was sorry that she had pushed her husband away and that she had refused to let Sarah speak up when things were challenging, stopping her expressing her true thoughts, or expressing her needs or internal emotions.

Sarah said she had always had trouble putting her own emotions first so although she was not surprised when this emerged she was surprised to learn it was her 3 year old Inner child who was sabotaging her. I asked Sarah to speak with Little Sarah and find out why she was sabotaging her relationships. What emerged over many tears and hiccups and thinking was that little Sarah was lonely and wanted my friend for herself. She did not want to share her and was afraid that her husband would take over and Sarah would not love her anymore.

Sarah continued to chat with her inner child first reassuring her that she could tell Sarah anything that was worrying her and saying very clearly that she would always love her, that she would never leave her no matter what she had done and she would be with her and love her forever.

Little Sarah was Ok with that and then very sheepishly said she had pushed another boyfriend of Sarah's away because she did not understand the country he came from and was afraid of a different culture..

This was hard for Sarah to hear because she had really liked the first boyfriend and could not understand why he had discontinued the relationship... even though she had made it clear to him that she liked him and wanted the friendship to develop. Now she knew.

I explained to her that all thoughts, beliefs and emotions are energy and Sarah must have been unknowingly subconsciously broadcasting an energy of 'stay away.'

While conversing with her Little Sarah and then her inner 4 year old Sarah worked towards finally getting both of them to agree to stop pushing people away so that Sarah could find a new partner.. She said they were very contrite little girls and promised not to get in her way again. They ended up holding hands like two cute little girls and promising to be more accepting in the future.

Sarah said she was devastated to know that her Inner Child had sabotaged her marriage but also that she could relate to the feeling of loneliness felt by her inner child as she had felt the same when she was a little girl.

I went on to explain to her that the inner child was an aspect of herself wherein she had put the loneliness over to this child to look after while she got on with her day to day life. Unfortunately by putting the loneliness aside she had created the perfect grounds for self sabotage as she grew up.

The subconscious mind will always protect you by giving you what it thinks you need to stop you being hurt... so Sarah's inner child pushed her relationships away so that she could have a permanent relationship with her inner child and this would mean that she would never feel the loneliness within as Sarah had just done.

It will be interesting to see how letting this internal protection and loneliness go will change Sarah's life.

That is why I love working with the subconscious mind so much - once we realise that there is an inner child needing reassurance we can work with them to deal with and release those emotions so that we are free to live the life we want.

 A young girl captured in a photograph, gazing towards the camera with the sun's radiant rays in the background.
Her inner child sabotages her marriage

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