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Repressed emotions and loneliness at the end of lockdown -EMDR

It has been interesting to hear that many people are finding it difficult to come out of lockdown.. We have had 263 days here in Melbourne of only being able to go to the grocery store and walk in the park or exercise outdoors. I expected absolutely everyone would be jumping for joy and totally relieved to be able to return to a new 'normal' again.

the End of Lockdown and its benefits

Here in Melbourne we have been in lockdown because of Covid 19 for 263 days on and off since March 17 2020- its been very challenging but it also had some unexpected benefits.

People said they: a) saved a huge amount of money because there was nothing to spend it on - we were able to go grocery shopping and walks in parks but no paid entertainment.

b) were able to shop on line and browse every online offering

c) were able to work from home so no dressing up to go to work

d) thought it was great not having to catch bus/train/tram so they can sleep in longer and saved on fares.

e) were home with the kids (home schooling - mmm not everyone loved this)

f) were able to plan, afford and do much needed or desired renovations

g) were learning to cook different foods

h) were not having to go the relatives for dinners!

i) were not lonely

Repressed emotions and loneliness at the end of lockdown-Loneliness in a crowd

It was this last one that had me taking notice - how could they be not lonely when we couldn't see family and friends? How could that be - and then I realised - while in lockdown those who were single or living alone did not have to be 'alone in a crowd' - they did not have to face people at restaurants or clubs or bars and be on their own while everyone around them was enjoying their family and friends' company.

So now we are out of lockdown they are having to adjust to being single in a crowd again and many have to deal with that loneliness.

Top tip to releasing subconscious fears of loneliness using EMDR

First I ask them rate the loneliness on a scale of 1-10, with 0 being no emotional charge and 10 being very strong.

Some people find this very hard to do- you see, when the loneliness is repressed it can be hard to give it a rating. when i then ask them to close their eyes and allow any number to come to mind, they take the conscious mind out of the equation and their subconscious mind will deliver the right number.

Then I ask them to think back to the first time they felt lonely as a child, to relax and allow their subconscious mind to show them. by relaxing they allow the repressed emotion to surface. I then get them to do an EMDR exercise to release it i.e. they look left to right with their eyes tracking back and forward while keeping their head still. They continue to do this as different images appear, emotions and thoughts come up... they just listen to their breathing particularly their out breath, relax and allow their mind to bring up whatever it wants to without them analysing it and until the lonely feeling goes away

This exercise will more often than not bring up other times they felt lonely or fearful or alone or on their own and as they move their eyes back and forward their brain will integrate and they will remove any energy or emotion attached.

Once they feel it is finished or they judge it as 0/10 they all say they don't feel lonely anymore; in fact they are looking forward to socialising and being "out there amongst it". This is a completely new feeling for them as they have been carrying this low grade loneliness with them all their lives and now they feel free.

Freedom from repressed fears of loneliness

This means they will be free to have friends, to have a relationship - to be happy within themselves. You see, whatever you have in your subconscious mind is exactly what you will create for yourself.

So if you feel lonely at a subconscious level then your mind will make sure you are alone so that you honour that feeling of loneliness.

The subconscious mind always wins

If you had lots of friends then the conscious mind (the one with friends) and the subconscious mind (the one that feels lonely) would be at odds with each other .

Since the subconscious mind always wins then if the world continued to give you lots of friends you would have a breakdown as the two minds 'fight'over which one is true for you.

Your subconcious mind protects you by keeping you lonely

To keep you 'safe' the subconscious mind will push people away without you realising it so that your external world matches your internal subconscious belief in being lonely.

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